Oh. Oh my. I have a blog, don't I?
After a long hiatus, I've returned with nothing but good intentions in mind. This year my resolution is to attempt to post at least once a week here with something I've done, something on my mind, or a recipe or something of the sort. I really slacked off the latter half of the year, something that the four people who read this let me know that I'd been remiss in doing anything with this space. To be fair, it wasn't out of malicious intent or anything of the sort - things have been difficult down here in the Nickel City homestead, and a lot of my drive has evaporated under an avalanche of different emotions.
That's not a good thing, of course. I'm a very internal person - things that bother me get bottled up and held inside until I go critical, and lose my composure in a messy meltdown. I've been concentrating on improving that, of course, but it's never an easy road. I've always had issues with anxiety and depression, and sometimes (well, let's be honest, often) I let it get the better of me.
This year I resolved not to lose weight, or travel the world, or write a novel - although I am trying to be careful of what I eat and lose weight, it's not a driving 'I must lose x by y date' because that intimidates me - but to do smaller things and actually achieve them. I don't like to fail, and setting myself up for failure by setting lofty goals with no steps in-between is the fastest way to get me to not push myself to get to that end goal.
So, my basic resolutions are thus:
1. Here's the big one:
Update this blog at least once every seven days with real content! For real, I want to do this regularly. Once a week can't be that bad, right?
2.
Write and complete the NaNoWriMo challenge this year. I failed last year, and I don't want to have it happen again.
3.
Complete last year's NaNoWriMo attempt before November. It stopped at about 22,000 words before I came undone. I can do this!
4.
Get a job. This one sadly is still very dependent on US Immigration sending me my papers, and out of my hands - and has been the prevalent source of my depression and anxiety. If this gets cleared up, things will get so much better. (Anyone know anyone in the department that can hurry my paperwork along? It's been almost a year.)
5.
Develop and keep faith, pride and joy in myself, instead of beating myself up like a punching bag all the time. It's no secret to those that know me that I hate myself more than, well, most anything - and when things go wrong I beat myself up until my psyche is a crumpled, ruined heap on the floor of my brain. I don't really know how to go around to achieving this, but I think if I approach life trying to focus on being kinder to myself I'll figure it out along the way.
So there. I don't think this is impossible to do - do you?
2010 was a year of change. The first half of the year was full of hope and excitement, but the second half was full of difficult challenges. 2011 is starting off where 2010 left off, and things are still very hard. Lots of uncertainty and impatience on my end, but Carl is doing his very best to keep me sane, and keep things working here. I can only hope that soon I'll be able to contribute more than a clean house and a hot dinner - I'd feel worlds better about myself when I can.
Speaking of hot dinners, as some of you may be aware, I love to cook and bake. My favourite hang-out on the Something Awful Forums holds contests. Some of you may remember my attempt at entering their 'Newbie Iron Chef Something Awful' contest with crepes two ways. Suffice it to say there were over 55 entries and I came in at the middle of the pack, something like 20th place. Not terrible, of course, but not a finalist either. I was a little disappointed, but I tried my best and I learned new things in the kitchen. There's nothing wrong with that!
Another contest, this one for the more seasoned competitors (and simply called Iron Chef Something Awful, or ICSA) was announced: holiday traditions! I was very excited to enter, but things changed very dramatically when my Grandma - dad's mom - passed away very suddenly on December 6th after a very brief fight with liver cancer. It changed my world, I'm not afraid to admit, and my ICSA entry reflects that.
My first post for 2011, then, is the entry I submitted for consideration in ICSA 45: Season's Eatings, which I now put here for you to see without having to pay $10 to register on the forums.
Please note that there is some bad language behind this cut, and a LOT of pictures, but if that doesn't intimidate you, then read on!
note: forgive me if the pictures aren't properly fitting in the context of my blog layout, these are linked elsewhere and I was too lazy to upload them to Blogger. I'm new to this whole thing, so bear with me and let me know if you need a certain picture or whatnot.
